The angst of giving feedback.
Less than 15% of managers feel like they’re good at giving feedback. But who can blame them? Giving feedback, especially if it’s negative, can be gut-wrenching. And yet it’s so essential to leading teams.
Candace had recently been promoted to a manager position. She had proven herself as a highly skilled financial analyst. She had a quick mind for numbers and was persuasive and engaging in client presentations. Given her past successes, she was excited for — and confident about — her new position.
Her new team of ten was an assortment of other financial analysts along with some support admin employees. One of her team members, Nick, had been a peer. When the manager position came open, Nick was certain that he was going to be promoted to the manager position instead of Candace.
Needless to say, Nick was not pleased that Candace was now his boss. Two weeks into Candace’s new role, things came to a head in a team meeting where Rachel, one of the support admin, had proposed a new system for tracking projects.
Nick berated the admin for her idea. Point by point, he identified the potholes in her framework. Although his criticism had some merit, his delivery crushed the admin and left her blinking back tears.
Candace knew she needed to have talk with Nick. But even thinking about it put her into a tailspin of anxiety.
Fortunately, Candace had a coach who was there to help her through tricky situations. The coach knew that Candace would be challenged in delivering effective feedback to Nick. An introvert by nature, Candace was terrified of any kind of conflict. Nick, on the hand, relished confrontations.
The coach sat down with Candace and laid out a framework with three tools for giving Nick feedback. The first tool, the coach told Candace, was to be FOCUSED in her feedback. In other words, Candace needed to be crystal clear about what Nick needed to change. Although Nick’s blow-up in the meeting displayed several behavioral issues, the coach encouraged Candace to focus on just one issue to begin with.
The second tool, the coach told Candace, was to be UPLIFTING in her feedback. The coach proposed that Candace acknowledge the years of experience that Nick had and that he could be a great mentor for the team.
The coach then shared the third tool, which was to articulate potential NEXT STEPS for Nick. The coach explained that this tool requires deep thought in terms of thinking through potential steps forward, while at the same time being open to Nick’s ideas.
Candace gathered her courage (with the help of her coach) and set a date to meet with Nick the next week.
When Nick walked into her office, Candace felt prepared and calm.
She first acknowledged the inherent awkwardness in transitioning from being Nick’s peer to now being his manager. She then shared that she really valued having him on her team and felt that his strong analytical skills and deep experience were incredibly important to what the team could deliver.
Candace then took a deep breath and segued into her feedback. She told Nick that she wanted to address the incident at the team meeting when the admin had proposed a new project management system.
Following the framework her coach had recommended, Candace kicked off with a succinct, focused message. “I’m concerned about how strongly you reacted to Rachel’s proposed system for project management.”
Candace then delivered a positive, uplifting statement. “I know you have a lot of experience with project management systems. That knowledge is really important.”
Following that, Candace laid out potential next steps. “How about if you and I meet with Rachel to learn more about what she’s suggesting? And then we could brainstorm with her about a project management system that incorporates her ideas along with your experience which you could both present at our next team meeting.”
At that point, Candace re-directed the conversation to ask Nick what he thought. Although he was initially taken aback, he appreciated Candace’s honesty and openness. They continued the conversation and ultimately agreed that they would both meet with Rachel to discuss her ideas.
The reality is that giving feedback is really hard, especially when there are tricky human dynamics in play. But being courageous about giving feedback can make the difference between a manager who just gets by — and a manager who thrives.
When it comes to feedback, practice makes perfect. For most of us, giving feedback is not an innate skill. It’s a painfully learned one.
To effectively deliver feedback, you have to be willing to step into the fray. You have to make feedback part of ongoing conversations. But once you take that leap, you’ll be amazed at what your bravery reaps. You’ll head off brewing issues at the pass. You’ll empower team members who feel slighted. And you’ll rein in other team members who tend to take over.
Most importantly, you’ll lay the groundwork for a team that is able to collaborate and perform at higher levels.
Want to teach your managers how to deliver effective feedback?
Candace was lucky to have a coach. But most managers don’t. Our new Turbo Training: How to Give Feedback gives your managers the same guidance Candace received in terms of understanding the step-by-step process of delivering effective feedback. Curious to learn more? Check out our hour-long Turbo Training: How to Give Feedback to set your managers up for success. They’ll walk away with the tools they need to deliver effective feedback — in just one hour.